


goodbye, hello

by chanterie



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Trespasser DLC spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4802879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanterie/pseuds/chanterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which cullen waits and worries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	goodbye, hello

It’s easier to throw himself into work. It always has been. It’s easier to manage his soldiers, plot with Leliana, and bicker with Josephine than it is to face the reality that his wife is leaving him behind to battle the Qunari while she dies slowly. Just about  _anything_  is easier to face the fact that the Anchor is killing Catherine.

She understands. The few times he’s had to leave her behind for dangerous work, he knows she’s done something similar. That doesn’t, however, stop the wave of fear and shame from crashing into the shore of him when Catherine screams out in pain.

Josephine inhales sharply. The floor disappears and Cullen can only watch as his wife– _his wife_ – curls around her hand as it crackles with elven magic. 

“Shit!” He can hear the tears in her voice, the frustration. “Dammit! We save Ferelden, and they’re angry. We save Orlais, and they’re angry. We close the Breach  _twice_ , and my own hand wants to kill me. Can one thing in this fucking world just stay fixed?!”

She curls into herself then, one hand covering her eyes as she composes herself. She’s not angry. Not really. She only swears and shakes like this when she’s afraid. It makes Cullen’s chest ache like someone’s bashed his ribs with a shield.

“I need to get to the Darvaarad,” Catherine says finally, and her voice shakes. “You all can fight amongst yourselves once I’m… once I’m back.”

It’s not what she was going to say. They all know it. While part of Cullen is grateful she stopped before she said  _once I’m dead,_ the unspoken words settle onto his shoulders like a heavy cloak. He gathers her up in his arms, and it’s as much for her as it is for himself. The fingers of her right hand curl into the fabric of his jacket tight enough to make Cullen worry about the seams, but her left doesn’t touch him at all. 

He buries his face in the crook of her neck as he hears Leliana say, “Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“Would you… would you like us to inform the Exalted Council of the danger?” Josephine asks. Cullen pretends she’s only talking about the gaatlok and the Qunari.

With a small sigh, Catherine pulls her face away from Cullen’s shoulder. “Yes,” she says, “If we fail, the Exalted Council needs to know what happened.”

“I will inform them personally,” Leliana says.

“Leliana, I can…”

Cullen doesn’t need to turn around to know Leliana is shaking her head. “No. Your job is hard enough already. This is my responsibility.”

A small part of him hates that it is. The larger part of him recognizes that he wouldn’t be able to keep his temper if he were the one to inform the Exalted Council of what’s happening, and that part is grateful Leliana is bearing that burden.

Cullen pulls off his gloves and cups Catherine’s face in his palms, thumbs wiping away the few tears that have escaped her lashes. “I’ll have guards ready at the eluvian, in case the Qunari attack the palace.” His voice doesn’t break, but it’s a near thing.

She pulls away from him, already squaring her shoulders as she pushes her fear aside. Cullen catches her wrist before she can pull away completely–her left wrist. He cradles her hand in his, raising it until he can press a kiss to the glowing mark on her palm. It smells of the Fade–sulfur, and ozone, and terrible memories–and he knows this moment will reappear in his nightmares. But it’s worth it for the tremulous smile Catherine gives him as she walks away.

“Maker watch over you,” Leliana says softly.

Cullen doesn’t know if it’s for him, or Catherine, or the both of them.

* * *

She takes Dorian, Cassandra, and Cole with her. Three of their closest friends and compatriots. He doesn’t hold it against her, but there is a small part of him that wishes she’d left one of them behind. They all seem to know when he needs a distraction. 

The mabari helps a little. But stroking its shoulders while sitting in the gazebo where he got married just a few days ago only serves to remind him of the fact that he may be a widower in a few hours.

His wife’s companions circle around him. Leliana watches him like a hawk from a balcony. He sees Sera flit around the baths like she isn’t sure if she should be giving him cake again or leaving him be. He sees Varric and Rainier at some point, but not for more than a moment. Bull sits near the entrance to this part of the grounds, sharpening his axe. He catches Cullen’s eye at one point and gives him a slow nod. If the circumstances were different–if they weren’t all braced for an invasion and a possible fight–the two of them might be sparring until Cullen exhausts himself. As it is, Cullen works to keep himself calm while Bull keeps a watchful eye on him. 

Vivienne is the only one to approach him. She glides across the flagstones, the very picture of grace in her robes and solid hat. Cullen inclines his head when she stops in front of him. “Your Perfection,” he greets her.

She smiles and then, much to his surprise, sits next to him. How she manages to recline on shallow stone steps without looking terribly awkward is something Cullen doesn’t think he’ll ever manage to figure out.

“She’ll be alright,” Vivienne says, looking up at the stars. “She’s the very picture of perseverance, and she has something to come back to.”

Cullen swallows hard, staring at his boots.

“And if she does not…” she pauses and tilts his chin up with gentle fingers. “You will have some of the most wonderful people in all Thedas looking out for you.”

His mabari nuzzles its way under his arm, and Cullen smiles faintly as Vivienne pushes an errant curl from his forehead before standing. He has disagreed with her in the past, and he’s still not sure he likes her being Divine. But in his moment, he is grateful for her, and for how she cares for Catherine.

“Thank you, Most Holy,” he says, voice rough.

“You’re quite welcome, my dear,” she replies, and leaves him to his thoughts.

* * *

Cole is the first to come back. He sprints out of the eluvian, nearly bowling Cullen and his lieutenant over in the process. “Sorry!” he calls back. “I can’t stay! I have to get Most Holy’s helping hands.”

Cullen blinks, then turns on his heel and marches to the mirror. Cassandra comes out next, Catherine in her arms. Dorian is pressed to her side, hands and magic hovering over Catherine’s left arm. They’re all covered in blood, burns, and bruises. Cullen’s heart nearly stops in his chest. It doesn’t beat properly until Vivienne steps out of the infirmary nearly two hours later, ceremonial robes stained red with the Inquisitor’s blood and a tired smile on her face.

“She’s alive and awake,” the Divine says. “She’s asking for you, Commander.”

He’s had enough decorum drilled into him over the years to keep him from running full-tilt for his wife’s side, but it’s a near thing. 

She’s covered in bandages. It’s the first thing he notices, followed closely by the stump where the rest of her left arm used to be. As he carefully perches on the edge of the bed, Catherine’s eyes slowly slide open. There’s a glazed look to them and a lopsided tilt to her split-lipped smile that speaks of pain killers. But he’s never seen a more beautiful and breathtaking sight.

“H’llo, husband,” she slurs. Her arm lifts like she means to reach for him with a hand she no longer has.

Cullen, careful of what’s sure to be a nasty wound, wraps his hand around her bicep. “Hello, wife,” he murmurs.

The grin she gives him is positively beatific as she wiggles to the side so he can slip into the bed beside her. “I’m back,” she says once they’re settled.

“Welcome back,” Cullen says, and presses a kiss to her temple. “Welcome back…”


End file.
